What should I expect after a BBL surgery?

You should expect to wake up like as if you just got done with a major surgery. You should expect that even though it may not be exactly that for everybody? You should expect to wake up right from the anesthesia as if it were a gigantic surgery. No pun intended. Because the butt lift is one of the scariest and painful things you could ever do to your body. Some girls they can take the pain but when I woke up? Oh man I just was like what did I get myself into and did I really do enough homework and thinking things through because I did not expect that I really did not expect that. Man I could have easily died from that surgery. I woke up with obviously blood everywhere soaking garments and garments like I was already wearing a garment because after they did the butt lift meaning after they injected my behind with the fat transfer that they got, while I was still asleep, they forced me into a garment which is supposed to be really tight to make sure that the lipo is going to stick as well as the butt. And when you force somebody into a garment that tight after a surgery where the incision are not stitched back up? the blood and the other fluids are going to come right out. And that's exactly what I woke up to. And the pain. I thought maybe like my rhinoplasty and you know other surgeries I've had and stuff like that, it was not going to be that bad? Even like my eyebrows were a little bit bad. Like my eyebrows because for some reason my eyebrows are like really oily? So you have to tattoo my eyebrows very deeply in order for it to stick and she did a really good job actually. I'm really happy with my eyebrows but the pain of doing my eyebrows was really bad too. But I stuck through it and I'm a strong person so I was able to go through even though it really hurts so bad. But let me tell you my lipo and my BBL was man it was like really bad. And the thing about my BPL was that I didn't have anybody to take care of me? I didn't have anybody to feed me or to take me to my post-op appointments which is why I got the hotel room that was nearby. So I had to do everything myself including the showering part and the showering part, let me tell you the showering part after a lipo and a bbl, man you will probably not see that much blood unless you're going through like some kind of accident or something? But like I don't know how I did it. I really don't know I like I think what happened was I barely did it. I barely got through that surgery maybe but like even now like when I'm talking about it it brings memories of pain and suffering. And then you have to sleep on your stomach for months and months. But if they just did a lipos360 on you, then your stomach just got lipoed and when you're sleeping on your stomach and your stomach just got lipoed, that's not a fun experience either! So there I am you know on my first day, and I had just had my BBL, and oh my gosh the only person that actually took me home was my manager at the time at my job. And then after that I was on my own. But walking to the grocery store was just so awful. And then I had to carry the groceries back while I was wearing blood-soaked garment underneath and I was really scared that somebody might see that I was smelling and that I was like looking and smelling like that? Because I was walking really crazy like. Like I had either just killed somebody or I was about to die or something like that because I know that once I got to the store? I smelled like one of those like bloody people like bloody red meats that are packaged in the store? And I just wanted to hurry up and get the groceries and get out of there because I knew that somebody would probably try to call the police on me. Because I look like a psycho. I look like a psychopath that I just killed somebody. And then man the pain. Man I don't even know I really did not think that lipo would hurt that bad? And I really didn't think that the BBL would be that serious but it is a serious surgery. Let me tell you a Brazilian butt lift? Is a serious surgery and you need to make sure that you listen to me when I say you need to expect to be in a very serious surgery. It is not just a simple taking out your fat and injecting the stuff and then waking up in the next day you're on your job again. You should expect at the very least to be in a gigantic surgery. Like a very serious surgery. I did not think it was going to be like a super serious surgery. I was so desperate enough to wear I probably overlooked the fact that it was a extremely serious surgery. And I kind of rushed things because I made the appointment within the next 4 weeks? After I placed a down payment and I was really desperate to either look that way and I was really tired of like my clothes not fitting the way that I wanted it to fit and then I felt not you know like attractive? Like I didn't feel like as attractive as I could be. So I thought maybe if I went in there and I got the stuff, that it would work but man I don't know how I even did that but without anyone to help me either. I didn't have any help whatsoever from anybody taking care of myself and I think I rode a bus one time home to get something from my apartment and then rode the bus back to the hotel where I was staying so I could stay there for my post-op because I didn't want to take an Uber or a bus so far because I was in a lot of pain. I remember taking a bus and I remember standing on the bus the whole time when I was heading over to my apartment. Like and then there was a transfer a one-time transfer so I had to get out of the bus and I had to wait standing up and then as soon as I got on the second bus I had to stand the whole way on the bus too. The whole ordeal? I mean now I have like some curves. I have some curves but unfortunately I still have my back problems to where I'm unable to like curve certain parts of my body like exactly like other girls? So like I'm still a little bit upset about that but at least I have like some kind of butt now and I have some kind of curve so like and it's out of the way. It's now out of the way and it's a done deal it's already been said and done. The lipo has now started to like almost completely stick but there's some parts where because I was not overweight overweight? And I don't even think I'm actually overweight at all but at the time of the surgery, I didn't have a lot of fat? So I think what happened when during the surgery was they you know I mean like they had to get that fat from somewhere. And so they were really aggressive and trying to get whatever fat that they can find while they were in there? And I think what happened was like some parts of my thing, like I think they might have like damaged a little bit of skin? Or maybe something more than that? Because there's like a splotchy and some parts of it like really hurt? Some parts of it like hurt to where it feels like there's like something that's not really sticking? So I don't know I know that I did this to myself. I already know that like I should have realized that absolutely it is a very serious surgery like beyond serious. But I thought it was just like you know you're just going to do the fat transfer and then it's going to go in the butt and that's all it was but that's not all it is. They are doing liposuction and sometimes some lipo is actually really simple. Some lipo is very simple yes. I remember having lipo over 10 years ago for my forehead before my boyfriend abused me and hit me in my forehead, but I remember they had to just do a very small light liposuction on my tummy but it was like very quick and I was awake for it. And then they transferred that fat to my forehead but it didn't hurt at all and I was awake the whole time! But this is not that kind of liposuction. So if you don't have a lot of fat first of all, I probably would not recommend 360 lipo unless you take about 6 months to fatten yourself up? I know that like for the four weeks prior, I really did try to fatten myself up but it's more of like a inflammation or like water retention probably. I'm guessing that actual fatness doesn't really occur in as little as 4 weeks. It takes like some time for your body to accumulate fat so like if you're not fat enough to have 360 lipo, I would not do it until you get fat around the belly. And if you're going to try to get fat, I would recommend healthy oils and healthy fats and healthy foods to gain that way but not but not you know like junk and make sure that that's fat instead of water retention or inflammation from the breads or oils that you're eating. You have to make sure that it's actual fat so that when you get liposuction, that it's not hitting your skin and instead it's getting fat. And then one of my boobs really needed balancing out? So I had them at the last minute due a liposuction on I don't know what it's called it's like it's not back fat but it's like boob fat but it's not exactly boob fat? It's like something else but so it's like upper body right where the arm and the boob is? But they asked me if I wanted that part done also and I saw I really need to balance my boobs out! I really need my left boob to get fixed and so at the last minute I paid some extra money to do that part and oh man. Oh man that s*** hurts so bad too. Man you know like you think that like it's not going to be as bad as you think. With anything in life. Like I'm not just talking about lipo but I'm talking about a lot of things in life? You think that it's not going to be that bad? No like this is one of those times where you need to absolutely be prepared physically and mentally for possibly ginormous amounts of pain and suffering because what they seem like on youtube? That's not true for the majority of people that do these kinds of surgeries. The people on YouTube so I was watching some videos on YouTube and they made it seem or look like it was not that painful? That is not true for everybody. And actually on some of the lipo YouTube videos that I saw as well as the Brazilian butt lift videos as well as other things, they did go through a lot of pain on those videos. Man they went through a lot of damn pain. S*** but a lot of those videos also seem like it's not going to be that awful but even with that morphine or oxycodone or Tylenol or whatever? It did not work. Those medicines do not work when you have an extreme amount of pain. You would need to be like on I don't know but I don't even think like any kind of pain medicine would even work unless you're actually asleep. Man I don't even know how I did it but it was so awful and then I had to like pee through the hole of the garment and oh my gosh I thought I might just freak out there but yeah you need to be very careful. And just because you go to some doctor that's been doing doing a lot of surgeries like plastic surgeries? Like if you're about to get rhinoplasty for example like I did? Don't just go to any doctor. Stuff like rhinoplasty and maybe boob jobs but I think more about anything about the face? You should try to go to a doctor that has also been through the same thing or someone that's of the same background as you. Like for example if you're a white person and you're trying to do rhinoplasty, why would you go to an entirely African place? You know what I mean like the whole staff is African and all of their models are African so if you're white, and you're trying to do rhinoplasty, don't you think you should go to a doctor that has a white nose or has done the same type of white person rhinoplasty instead of an office where they're all like one ethnicity? Like I think it's possible if there was like an Asian plastic surgeon that could be good at a Caucasian person's rhinoplasty but I don't think they'd be as good as an actual Caucasian plastic surgeon. I'm not trying to be racist but I just feel like they would be able to you know relate more. And if you can go to a plastic surgeon that is more on the better looking side instead of someone that looks like they don't brush their teeth or take care of their pores and they have a bunch of pimples and unwashed hair because they're not used to seeing pretty. They're used to seeing dirty face and dirty teeth and so how are you going to expect someone like that to give you a pretty face? How are you going to accept like someone like that to give you like the face or the nose for example that you want? I mean someone that has to look in the mirror every morning and night and see that he's obviously got a bunch of blackheads and teeth that just looks so awful and the ends of his nose are like inflamed because he doesn't take care of himself. How are you going to expect that kind of plastic surgeon to give you the right nose? Or to give you the right chin or something like that? Some of them may be but probably not in the way that you would expect. Right now I feel like I've done enough like mineral and vitamin intake as well as the omega-3 and the red meat intake on occasion enough to where I was able to make my blood get back to pretty much normal someone? Because after the surgery your platelet levels get to skyrocket which is also not good because it up your chances of a clot but I ended up going to the emergency room and getting checked for blood clots because suddenly I was not feeling good one day so they checked everything at the expense of my savings account but so your iron levels also because of the blood loss usually they'll become really low so you have to prepare for low iron levels. And so in order to get real iron inside of you, you're probably going to have to up your intake of red meat. And then like two times more than normal limit of fruits and vegetables after any kind of surgery like that. And you have to make sure to walk around a lot and exercise still when you can to prevent any kind of blood clots or whatever other complications there might be. But right now I think it took me so long to get my blood levels back to good level because it really took a long time. I had to eat that dark chocolate and I had to take separate iron pills and I had to spend a lot of money on red meat and salmon and different kinds of supplements like extra calcium and magnesium and all kinds of stuff. Because after that kind of surgery you have to do those things or else if your levels get low then that could be also bad too so you have to make sure to keep up on the aftercare to get your blood levels back to normal and for me, it took a really damn long time! It really took so long for me because that's how long it takes sometimes! for your platelet levels to go back down to normal and then your iron levels to go back up to normal and then like different things going on it's difficult to adjust those things and adjust everything like that in order to get everything back on the same you know balance beam. Like you're trying to do this and you're trying to do that you're trying to take Tyler all but you're trying to take calcium you're trying to take iron supplements but you're also trying to take eat fish and you're also trying to take your multivitamins and your vitamin c and stuff like that. It does take a long time but you have to because if you don't do it at all, then your blood levels will never get back to normal until a really long time later and that's not good either. So finally like recently I was able to get back to normal but because nobody likes me, I'm thinking of about getting this fat removal thing. And they say that it's not a serious surgery I mean I'll have to be on a liquid diet for 3 days. I'll have to be on a liquid diet for 3 days and that's it and then after that I can eat soft foods. But nobody likes me as far as a guy and I'm talking about an attractive guy not a guy that just likes every girl. I'm talking about an attractive guy. They don't like me so I'm thinking about getting another surgery. And I really don't want to die from it. And I know that it's going to be really painful but I have to do it. Because I'm not attracted enough to be with the you know what I mean a guy like that so I have to go through these surgeries so that I feel like loved and attractive and pretty enough to wear certain things and to go out with certain guys and to be at certain places and stuff like that so I have to do the surgery but like because nobody likes me right now I have to get this one surgery but this next surgery I'm going to wait probably until next summer that way I can make sure that I have a handle on my body and my health and you know I'm like fully recovered from my other surgeries. The next surgery for next summer, is not going to be like as crazy as the lipo or the BBL or the rhinoplasty maybe but it's going to change my appearance like drastically. Like I remember there was one thing that did happen to me when like even something as simple as a rhinoplasty, when the cast on my face came off, obviously really ugly because the swelling didn't go down but when the cast came off my face and I was able to see myself in the mirror, just for a quick second, I did not recognize myself just for a quick second. It looks like a completely different person. Like completely different. And you do that like thing where you're like whoa hunt like a little bit of fear like you have a little bit of like scariness because the person that you're looking at in the mirror is not the old you anymore so it's like you're doing this like whole like who is this person? So I did that when I got my rhinoplasty and I was like whoa so you have to be like mentally prepared also to do a lot of plastic reconstructive surgery. You absolutely have to be mentally prepared because you're not going to look the same. Some people have already done a lot of plastic surgery to where they don't care if they look the same or not but if you're the different kind of person where you have different kind of personality? Because not everybody like dismisses the fact that they look different after plastic surgery. You might be one of those people where when you look in the mirror, you're going to be like who is that person because that doesn't look like the old me? You know what I mean so you should be like mentally prepared and then yeah definitely like medically prepared to. But like I know this next surgery is definitely going to change some shapes around to where I'm probably not going to look the same to a lot of people? And I'm okay with it actually. Like I think I'm going to try to have somebody you know take care of me I'll have to pay them off or whatever. And then you know be prepared for that and get my body prepared and everything this time because I'll know that any kind of surgery like that is going to be serious. So I know I'm going to be different looking and you know hopefully I'll get accepted better and not rejected as much. And I'll be one of the popular girls and I'll be well liked by a really hot guy and I'll be able to get married eventually and then oh and also I'll be able to get respect. You know what I mean? You know how like all the pretty girls they get a lot of respect? Well after I get all of my surgeries, hopefully you know people won't be treating me like I'm an ugly piece of s*** and you know I'll be able to you know hold conversations better and you know it won't be such a painful life for me anymore! It won't be a painful life it won't be a depressing and rejected life anymore because then I'll be pretty like other girls! With these white girls you know what I mean? They won't be cheating on me because I'll either look better than them or I'll look like them and they'll think it's crazy and weird. Maybe they'll look at me and think weird thoughts and then they'll not want to steal my boyfriend anymore? You know what I mean like they'll look at me and think this girl there's something going on with her which means that I really don't want to mess with her boyfriend either because I feel like she's really crazy or something because she looks crazy because she looks like she had some kind of surgery or something or something done to her and I really don't want to even like mess with that kind of person. Maybe they will see that I've been through a lot of pain and suffering as well as cosmetic surgery and they won't try to seduce my boyfriends anymore. They'll be like that chick is really scary and I don't want to even look at her. I can't look at her because it induces a type of fear and it's scaring me. So like hopefully like my look will change so drastically to where you know what I mean? Like do you see where I'm going with this? Like I could also use the DraStic change in my looks as a weapon of defense. Like it would be like not a coping mechanism but like more like do you really want to mess with somebody who had to take care of herself through several surgeries and who almost bled out in the shower? You know what I mean and then not only did she almost bleed out in the shower but after her surgery she decided to get another surgery. Are you really going to try to mess with someone who did that? You know I mean maybe they will think twice when they see me and then they won't end up touching my boyfriends either. That could also work too! I think maybe they would not want to touch my boyfriends or mess with my boyfriends either because I would scare them so much. It would be so scary for them to even think about even messing with my boyfriend because maybe they think that my boyfriend is also crazy at the same time too! If I look crazy then he must be crazy too! So then they're going to stay far away you see that you see the solution that I'm getting to? The unseen solution to it all. Is that sometimes you got to be a little bit crazy to look crazy and then when you look crazy, ain't nobody going to mess with you! You know what I mean they're going to be like that girl is a real psycho! That girl is a true psychopath and I don't want to touch her boyfriend! That is maybe what they're going to think. You know what I mean they're actually going to think that I'm a psychopath and then they're going to be walking away instead of walking towards my boyfriend. So I'm trying to think what I need to do tonight is I need to be able to relax and I don't know how I'm going to do it every night I go through the same thing. I just got off the treadmill if I continue to go on the treadmill then I'll burn off all my calories and then I'll get hungry again. So I have to save some of my calories but I don't want my cholesterol to go up and I know that my cholesterol is being controlled very well with some supplements. And then I don't know how I'm going to do it tonight I may have to leave again I don't know if it gets really bad I'll leave again in an uber. And I know this guy I like doesn't like me back as usual probably because I'm too ugly. I don't know what to do I know that like some parts of me are pretty but like it's not pretty enough because nobody likes me. Anybody that I like doesn't like me back. So next year, and maybe quite even this year if I get the help, maybe this year I will do the surgery. Maybe like later this year but not during winter because then it would just be really bad because then I want to be able to go outside and get my walks and go to the store. So it'll have to be like between summer and winter. So either next year between summer and winter or between winter and spring or this year between fall or maybe even in the fall. But yeah I I don't know I'm still thinking about the surgery like I want to get it but it might make me look really old? And I'm not trying to look old. I'm doing a lot of things including you know I already did IPL and I bought the actual IPL hair removal machine for a couple hundred dollars couple weeks ago. And I've definitely started to use that very definitely. And I like using it. I have a microdermabrasion machine in my place that I use regularly. I also have the 40K and the tripolar machine that I still use regularly and I love to use and what's really surprising is that it actually works! You have to use the 40K machine for minimum of 20 minutes and then the cream not the cream cheese but the cottage cheese under your arms, they disappear very well with the 40K machine. And then the tripolar machine you have to be really careful with. Tripolar on your face you should never do for more than two or three minutes because way too dangerous. So I actually went for 10 minutes on a tripolar machine on my face one day and oh my gosh almost to the emergency room. Almost but I took the pain and the swelling and the scariness all by myself and I was unable to get myself to the ER but I probably should have gone to the ER but I didn't but the swelling and the pain started to subside maybe like 15-20 minutes later. But with the tripolar on your face, you have to be careful with that thing because it tightens your face right away with the initial swipe! One swipe is all it takes sometimes. And that's what I did a few days ago is just one swipe on each cheek and then one swipe on the forehead and my face suddenly was looking like really like wrinkle free and tight? And I looks like really good. I looked really good in the face and then I took it to my neck and just one time all over the neck and that was it. And you know like the weird cobwebbies stuff that happens on your neck sometimes? That disappeared like right away but you have to like do the tripolar regularly but only once every 4 weeks regular. Once every 4 weeks regular. Because it stays tight like that for a long time. And then the other part of the cavitation machine that I got I have never used I don't know what it's for but it doesn't matter because I don't need it for anything else. And then my hair hair regrowth system is definitely working. I'm starting to see like little baby hairs grow in the places where I want them to grow. And then I also am going to do a revision rhinoplasty except I'm going to like try to do it at a better place? So that I don't have to keep on trying to do rhinoplasty to get the nose tip that I want. So hopefully my next rhinoplasty will be the last rhinoplasty because I'm tired of getting rhinoplasty. I like the bridge that he put because I'm able to wear sunglasses now but the fact that like the tip of my nose and just the overall angle of my nose is really ugly still? And hopefully by then I'll have somebody to take care of me and at least for the surgery. I just need them for like just for a few days because I know the rhinoplasty part it didn't it did hurt but it didn't take as long of a recovery time. And then I want to get my belly button revision done because when they did the lipo the skin stuck where my stomach is but it kind of like sagged on one side? So I want to get this real simple belly button surgery where it's going to like revise it and make it look really pretty? Because I essentially have never really had like a super duper pretty belly button? It's always been kind of like flabby kind of like a fat person's belly? But like you know like one of those belly buttons where it's like wide open and it looks tucked in? Like tucked in and real clean and symmetrical and stuff like that. I want one of those belly buttons. And I think that would be it for now is just the little belly button surgery and then the revision rhinoplasty for the tip of my nose and then the other thing that I want to do. Then that would be it for now and then actually I was possibly thinking about getting my boobs reduced even more? Like because they still feel kind of heavy even after oh yeah I want to do a boob reduction because I went in for a mammogram and they popped my implants so I had to do an emergency implant removal and oh man that is also some of high-level pain that you can feel. Any kind of boob anything, oh man. So I had all those things done within the last year I think within the last 8 months actually. Oh man the boob thing s*** you know when they told me my mammogram came out abnormal, I was so scared I had breast cancer! But then they like retrace the ultrasound and then they were like oh it looks like your implants popped and I said wait a second how did my implants pop? And for the last like week like they were already kind of tender but then I think they finally ended up popping it during the mammogram. Because both of them were popped. It wasn't just one so I had like silicone leaking inside of me and I did not want that. I did not like that idea at all and I was freaking out. I was like I do not want I don't care if it's not going to leak into my bloodstream. I do not want silicone that's leaking out of my boobs to be inside of my body and I was like freaking out. So I had to pay the money to get the boobs done and oh man that was also painful. An overnight recovery house. And then I had to pay for that too. But it was only just for one night and even just staying there was just still so awful suffering and pain and then going home was suffering and pain and then coming home and then like trying to take care of myself after the boob surgery, still suffering and pain. But I want to get them like reduced even more? Like I want to get them like smaller but then I want to like do something to my nose like have it revised then whatever else I need to do. And then hopefully that'll get me you know a boyfriend that'll like me you know I don't want to go out with somebody that's not going to like me and I especially don't want to go out with somebody that's not going to be attracted to me you know what I mean? I'm tired of getting cheated on I'm tired of getting cheated on and my boyfriend stolen by white girls! So I need to do something about it and I can't like beat them up or anything. If I beat them up then they're going to go or I'm going to go to jail! I can't do anything like aggressive or physical to them or else you know that would be bad at me because I already got in trouble with the law a long time ago. And I really don't want to go to jail again so what is a person supposed to do? If you have a history of getting your boyfriend stolen from you and you're not getting the love that you want then I need to do a few more surgeries. I need to make sure that you know I feel also confident in my new looks which I'm happy with. I'm able to wear like some dresses now and stuff like that but because of my back problem, I can't like all the way look super duper sexy like some girls? You know what I mean like how they have like the little Pop Lock and drop butt? You know how they're able to like pop their butts out and then keep it there? I can't do that because of my back problem so like all I can rely on is my butt surgery to make some of that pop out and now now that I had some of it done, you know it's okay but it's not like super poppy. And I don't know if my boyfriend's going to like that or not. He might not like my butt still! You know what I mean it might not be poppy enough for him. So I have to figure out what I would do I have been still doing butt exercises to make extra poppiness come out of my butt and it seems like it's been working. For some reason I feel like my butt's been getting fatter though for some reason. It's like getting bigger in that area and it's like of course it's a good thing for me if I want that. So because you know the fat cells were transferred there, they're still able to grow if I eat certain things and so I think that's what they're doing now is that the fat cells that were transplanted there are now like continuing to grow and I think maybe that's what's happening. I'm not 100% sure but it does feel like my butt is getting fatter I think I'm just like gaining weight too. And then I definitely want to reduce my boobs and all kinds of different things that I need to do with my self. And I think it's great living in Nevada! You know it's really requires a lot of you know challenge and control with your life if you're going to live here and you're going to do the things that are to do in nevada, you're going to have to not play and not do like the heathens do. You're going to have to do like not like the tourists do. You're going to have to do like regular full-time or part-time job. You know what I mean you're going to have to do it like that you can't just do it like that because you're going to wake up knowing the fact that the reality is, you're probably going to go and do something that is in Las vegas. So knowing that, you have to structure your life in the way where you're not going to lose your ass in the process. You have to structure your life in a different type of way and you have to see differently you have to see differently in order to survive if you're going to end up doing certain things in Las vegas. You're going to have to see stuff differently. I mean obviously like Las Vegas has a completely different downtown compared to everybody else. Every single City in this world is or has a downtown that is completely different from the downtown that is in Las vegas. Which means that you cannot essentially sink exactly the way that they do. You can't think the way that they do exactly. You have to like change your life to where your new or my new downtown is the Las Vegas downtown. Like I am changing my life because like yesterday so I realized that I'm on the Las Vegas strip and I'm suddenly starting to realize that the downtown in Vegas is totally settling in. Like because they're downtown is completely different. Their Major Street or their main street is completely different they're industry is completely different. The way the state makes their money is completely different. Everything is completely different here and if I'm not careful, I'm going to lose my ass. So so yesterday I'm finally starting to see this place like it's another regular City with their own little industry and with their own little downtown. and then I'm going to have to structure my life accordingly. I'm going to have to not engage in random impulsive heathen like rebellious and really crazy stuff because this is not the place to do so. I'm going to have to be extra professional. Like way more sophisticated than I ever was. Like in order to live in some place like this, you cannot be like partying everyday you cannot be getting drunk you cannot be using drugs and stuff like that because you will definitely probably get very carried away. You have to keep your good head on your shoulders and also I realized, you have to look at it completely differently. I mean I used to think when I was visiting here that this was just like a party city? Well to some tourists it is a complete party city. But to the residents here to a lot of residents here, that is totally untrue. They handle life here extremely differently. Like even going to the grocery store you'll see like slot machines and stuff about casinos. When you pick up a newspaper that is Vegas based, every other page almost has something about a casino offering some kind of buffet or some kind of prize or jackpot or new game or whatever. So you get used to it and it's not like you are coming to visit and you're unable to handle what you are a part of. You have to handle it completely different. If I ever was a professional, I would need to handle life in Vegas as professionally if not more professionally more than ever because I have to. There's no other way for me to be because then I would lose my f****** ass here. I would end up getting carried away and I would end up no way. This would not be the place or the time to do those kinds of things that I used to do. So if I ever had a routine as well as financial management as well as intelligence emotionally and intelligence intellectually and intelligence in my life, this would probably be the place to make those things happen for me because if any of those things are not there, man my situation right now already probably would have been extremely bad. And it's already like kind of like on the fence? But I got to be able to do the same thing every day sometimes like routine-wise. And I have to enjoy doing it. I have to be strong enough and that's another thing too I have grown really really strong. I have become really strong and I have to maintain that power. I have to be powerful. And at first it was really hard. Because you think that you already have the power to live it in some place like this. Because I already felt like I was really powerful enough but that's not true. I have to have this certain type of stamina as well as strength to get through my days and to do the things I do on my own without getting in trouble or getting killed and I also have to be like carrying around weapons and I have to have security cameras inside my home and I have to you know do different things and it's only made me a lot stronger. And it's probably only going to make me much stronger but I have to maintain that. And I still am unable to sleep at night but I'm able to like adjust you know sleeping maybe until like noon or 1:00 sometimes and then I'll get up and do the regular like same thing. I have to be able to do some things in the same exact way everyday. Without getting carried away or without getting disrupted in my routine too much. Because disruption in my routine sometimes can be a good thing but most of it at this point is going to be a bad thing. so when I get up in the morning I'm already programmed to myself that I'm going to do the exact same thing as I did yesterday when I got up. Go and brush my teeth wash my mouth out with water, go and make my breakfast, get my sunlight my direct sunlight. I have to get on the treadmill. I have to organize my day what I have to buy. What kind of groceries do I need because I don't want to have to like eat out all the time but seriously sometimes I cannot cook for the life of me just it is so stressful to cook on my own all the damn time. Now if I had someone else to cook with me like a boyfriend? I would probably have less stress even though it seems like it would have more stress but the fact that there would be another person that I would be cooking for and eating with and talking with and watching TV with, it would be a lot of a happier event for me. But since I don't, I have to be able to de-stress and the way that I distress is that by I go to the strip and I get a hotel room and I use their bath because I can't use the bathtub here because it's too old. And the inside of the sinkhole where the bathtub is is really rusty and gross like super duper gross. The summers in this apartment are so awful sometimes because there are cockroaches. And some of the summer time cockroaches are freaking gigantic I have never seen bigger cockroaches than I have in nevada! I had no idea that Vegas has giant cockroaches I thought maybe it was only in Los Angeles but the Los Angeles cockroaches do not compare to the Las Vegas roaches! At all they don't compare some of these roaches oh man they're so big and at the same time they fly! I came home one day and there was a roach hiding behind my sign, and I had no idea that those roaches fly and I opened my door and the f****** thing started flying and it flew into my damn apartment! Oh my gosh I thought I might freak out for life. It flew into my damn apartment and then you know how roaches are really fast? Oh my gosh as soon as it landed it it ran so fast underneath my couch and I thought I might f****** freak for the rest of my life. But I don't know how I caught it because I was so scared. Oh my God it was night time and none of the lights were on except my fluorescent light and this gigantic Roach flew in and f****** like speedy Gonzales man damn it was so fast it f****** roaches are so damn fast! S*** I was so scared I couldn't even f****** catch it! Oh my God so I just was so scared I think it scared me for like months after that. It was one of the scariest things I've ever encountered in my life. But I don't know what I did with it oh it wouldn't die! The roach oh my God it did not die and I tried to spray it with hairspray because I didn't have any bug spray! But of course after I got rid of it I finally bought bug spray but at the time, I didn't have anything except hairspray and hairspray wouldn't kill it! I remember oh my gosh I started spraying it with hairspray and guess what the f*** this mother f***** did? It flew towards me! It was flying towards me and trying to attack the source of where the hairspray was coming from! So I had this gigantic Roach that started flying towards me! Oh my God I thought I was going to die right there from some kind of illness or something. Oh my God it was so damn scary. It was trying to attack back! So I just kept f****** spraying and running and spraying and running an old man it was not having it. It was not having it I don't know what happened but I think I sprayed it enough to finally it just went down but then it didn't die even when it was down! Oh my God and then it started running when it was on the floor! Oh my God thought I might just freak out for the rest of my damn life! But I don't know what happened to it but I finally somehow I think like I was able to finally spray enough on it to kill it but then I was so scared to touch it so I left it there and I don't think I slept for 2 days! I think maybe that contributed to me not being able to sleep even more! I really want to be able to move there's these apartments that's like kind of brand new like across the street and they look really nice. They've got their own little balcony that's brand new and really nice kitchen I could use a bigger kitchen but right now I can't afford that extra I think it's a $900 more. From my already $1,200 and then I got to pay for utilities until like that. But I don't even think they're going to accept me so I have to stay here. Like this was the only place that was going to accept me like very very quickly and I ended up getting a job over at Caesars and it just was not for me working like long-term inside of a casino like that. I'm kind of happy that I quit. And I actually just got that job because I wanted to see what it was like to work for a casino and stuff like that and it is some of the most miserable things a person could ever do is work inside of a casino but some of them get a lot of tips so I understand if like I said you have to look at living here as completely different. So to them, as a local, they don't look at working at a casino as miserable. They think like it's just going to another downtown to another job. Like how people in California would go to their corporate jobs in West Hollywood or something you know what I mean? Like they would go to a cubicle or something but instead of going to a cubicle, these people go to their little tables or their areas and they deal games or maybe they're a cocktail waitress. Some of these cocktail racers get over 100,000 a year! Cocktail waitresses I mean. And they make good money because they're serving up customers that are coming in with a lot of money. There's people with a lot of money that come here. Like it's nothing. And so it's like a totally different you know industry type of thing and I'm starting to treat it like such. Whereas before I treated it like it was my enemy. I treated it like I'm going to come here and ruin its day and I'm going to dominate and I'm going to do something but what I need to treat it like is, instead of thinking that I'm going to battle with it and you know make some kind of you know revenge happen and that I hate Las Vegas because if I hated Las vegas, I would not have moved here. So I have to love it for what it is. I appreciate its architecture and the different hotels and their designs and stuff like that and I also like the mountains and the sunrise and sunsets here. I love the weather during the summer even though it's hot but at least it's not humid. And so I have to treat it like I love it and I have to also treat it like it's completely different from everywhere else that I've lived! Instead of treating it like I hate it and like it's my enemy or something because that's not working. Like treating Las Vegas like I hate it and treating Las Vegas like it's my enemy is not working at all! So I like it. I like being here and I think that it's making me stronger and also I do appreciate some people even though they work for the casino sometimes. I mean you know one of my friends, she's one of the supervisors for the casino, for like one of the really nice casinos that I like. And she's actually a really nice person when she's off the clock. And she's a nice person on the floor too but like when she's working, it's a totally different thing for her because she's on the job and she has to like pay attention to the customers and stuff like that. She's actually a pretty decent person and and she was really happy to see me and pick me up at the restaurant and we went and had dessert and we talked and she showed me a different place and we're still getting to know each other and stuff like that. But she's actually a pretty decent person aside from the fact that she works for a casino as a pit Boss as well as a dealer sometimes. And I've already been over to her house to get my eyebrows done and she was the one that did my eyebrows and she's actually really good at it and she lives in a nice town home and eventually I hope to live in a nice town home but right now I'm just hoping to move to a nicer apartment at the very least. But she's actually a pretty decent person you know and I could see myself becoming really good friends with her and she already came over to hang out and we talked while we were hanging out at my place and then I showed her some of the stuff that I had and we hung out like regular girlfriends. So we're just like slowly getting to know each other and be coming friends maybe. And you know just because these people work in a casino doesn't mean that you know I don't need to like be friends with him or something. They're actually pretty nice to me some of them. I think that some of them actually like like me as a person maybe. Like I could feel them recognizing me and I could feel them trying to say hi to me as a normal person instead of trying to say hi to me to draw me in to playing a game. Like I think like they actually like sincerely mean like hello instead of trying to sell me on their table game or something. Because I always think like sometimes I feel like when they're saying hi to me, I feel like they're trying to like tempt me to play a game or something. So it's like I'll just like pass by quickly after I say hello and then like I'll be out of sight. But it might be like okay to like maybe you know say hi and make a conversation with them and stuff like that without feeling like they're trying to pull you into playing a game and stuff like that. They're probably still like decent people as dealers but they've probably gotten used to dealing those games for so long and a lot of those dealers have worked for over 20 years at the same casino! Or if they have not worked at the same casino, they've worked like over 20 years at like different casinos on the strip! That's a long time till like do Casino jobs but the full-time ones they earn a pretty decent paycheck along with the tips and stuff like that but a lot of them also still gamble. They still game and I know that this one pit Boss over at mirage, he has my number because he asked me for my number and me and him were supposed to go to a hockey game. Because we both like the golden knights! So he's a pit Boss over at the Mirage and I don't know like I'm not really like super attracted to him but it was just supposed to be a hockey date? But I caught him at a different Casino where the locals go and he was putting in a bet for some sports or something. Because I saw him at a sports kiosk and all he was doing was just making the bed and then leaving. And I know that he and I messaged and talked before and he told me that you know if I ever game, that one of the best things to do is make my money and leave as quickly as possible. Instead of continuing to stay there because he said that if I don't, then I'll probably end up losing whatever I make so like he's really nice and then like he's trying to you know at least like say you know as a newcomer to vegas, you know one of the best things to do if you are going to play a game is that you should probably make your money and leave as quickly as possible. And he also you know puts down some bets and stuff like that but she's also you know into working in the casino. Some dealers and pit bosses will tell you that they don't game. I was able to play poker with Aria's pit boss! Aria's pit Boss likes to play over at Bellagio and I was just curious and just kind of like wondering what poker was like and I also wanted to be around some cute guys, you know socializing with some cute guys? So they put me at this table and I was sitting down and really doing nothing I was pretty much just folding all my hands and just trying to be around a bunch of people just to be around people. But the guy sitting right next to me started talking to me and asking questions and then come to find out that he is Aria's pit Boss over at the craps table! And he's not only the pit Boss over the craps table but he knows a lot of people. So these guys like they've gotten used to the casino world and stuff like that so they're probably like capable of not losing their ass. Like this pit Boss he was only doing like $5 $40 sometimes $50 bets but like he wasn't trying to play like professional poker. He was just trying to sit around and he was using his phone and he was texting his girlfriend and stuff like that and then me and him talking ended up making him and the dealer talk and then the poker dealer ended up knowing his ex-girlfriend and then they ended up talking to and then like everyone ended up talking and then come to find out some people at the table lived in Vegas and were regulars. And then you know you just get to know like a lot of different people. And then I got to meet Phil how much I think over at aria! Because they were they upgraded me to Aria's sky Sweet and I didn't even ask for the sky suites but they upgraded me to the sky suite and when I was coming back to the sky suite, there was the poker Superstar coming back to his room too! And so I recognized him immediately because I see him whenever I watch poker well not all the time but usually because he's extremely well known so I didn't ask to take a picture but he said if I wanted a picture so I was like yeah I definitely want a picture with you. And I told him oh my gosh you're so amazing and you're like one of the best poker players in the world! And I can't believe I'm meeting you right now and I acted like such a new person meeting a f****** celebrity or something. The typical response to someone meeting a superstar like that is like you know oh my gosh why are you here like I was asking why are you here? And he was like I'm at the sky suites and I said did you just get done and he said yeah and I asked how did it go? He said fairly well today actually and then and then it was like really cool because he's really good. At poker he may not always like come in first but he has coming first a lot. So it was like really amazing to meet him and take a picture with him. And then I know that I met Jay Z. I can't believe the Jay Z was playing blackjack at the high stakes room in bellagio. And I was there to see it all because I was like the only person there like staring at him and wondering aren't you going to get a separate room? Because I wanted to know like aren't so celebrities supposed to get like separate rooms so that people are not going up to them? But they don't care like Jay Z didn't care and he was playing blackjack in front of everybody! And I was like oh my gosh that's crazy and I think I was like the only one like wondering what is he doing? And then he ended up going to the baccarat high stakes room with his what do you call it his like Entourage or whatever? And then I was in there and he said hi to me probably because I was staring at him like what is he doing playing baccarat? I was like is that Jay z? And then he was just playing with like everybody else in the Bellagio room and he said hi to me and I was like how did blackjack go and he said not that good and I said yeah you got to be careful with blackjack and he said yeah I agree! And then I was like okay well it's nice to say something to you and then he's like yeah and then he was like trying to figure out bakra and I'm like what is he doing sitting here like that and then his little buddy I think it says like bodyguard / Entourage representative or whatever but she's like calls him names. Like it's a he it's like this bald guy that follows him everywhere I think all celebrities at least have like one person that follows them every single place that they go. And they have to do or act like what pleases the celebrity and like Jay Z's little follower guy he would call him hoe. Like he was calling Jay Z a hoe. He's like dude his play are you hoe you know it stuff like that I'm like somebody is calling Jay Z a hoe. Like and he is taking it. Like he is okay with somebody sitting next to him calling him a hoe and it's like the whole thing was like regular like normal for him or something but I don't know I thought it was really weird. But apparently it's not mean for him to be called a hoe so like you can call Jay Z a whole all you want. But like some girl in the Entourage was like eating popcorn watching everybody play Baccarat like it was some kind of movie or something. Finding out what Jay Z about to lose while she's eating popcorn. But then I met Cuba gooding Jr. I didn't take a picture with him but I did also say hi to him and he was in front of my face freaking out probably because I caught him coming into the gambling facility. And he looks like s***! Man Cuba gooding wait no it wasn't Cuba gooding was it no it was Cuba gooding and he looks like s***! He was smelling like serious liquor oh man he was seriously drunk. And he saw me and he told me not to tell anybody that he saw me. And I was like wait a second isn't that that guy? And there he went and everyone in the damn room said hi to him like he was a regular! And they were all like they were all like hey man good to see you again! They told Cuba gooding Jr hey man it's good to see you again and they all like shook hands and gave each other hugs and we're all talking like it's a normal thing to do. And I was like what is going on? And then there's a lot of like celebrities that come here I know that Bruno Mars he built some bar over at Bellagio or nightclub or bar or whatever but that's his club and it's a lot inside bellagio. But Bruno Mars was supposed to come in and play Baccarat and he had like all of the seats reserved but then he ended up changing his mind. Cute is like reserving all of the first seats or the second seats I forget. It was like the first or second seats but he reserved every single seat on every single table because he might come in. But then at the last he canceled. But then now I'm going to go to Timberlake and then maroon 5 and then Pearl jam. I'm really looking forward to Pearl jam especially because man Pearl f****** jam man we're talking about Eddie f****** better. Man when I go to Pearl jam? I am going to be really really happy. and I've been listening to Pearl jam for a really long time I love all of their songs and I think they're great. And I really want to go to their concert. But it's just another thing I got to put on my to do list too because I have a million things on my to-do list that I got to do also on a daily basis as well as on a weekly basis as well as all my appointments as well as trying to sleep at night and then you're trying to take care of myself and stuff like that. So I'm quite busy but the thing about Pearl jam as well as the other concerts is that, I will be getting dressed up. Just like I did at Mariah carey. I will be treating any of these concerts like it's a serious privilege and a serious pleasure and amazing thing to attend. So I definitely will be dressing up to any of these concerts. I know that I took a long time trying to get ready for Mariah carey. I know that I'm going to require time to get ready for Pearl jam and then I'm going to require time to get ready for maroon 5 and I'm going to require time to get ready for Justin Timberlake and I missed Duran Duran but I think that they're supposed to come back again. But I don't even have anybody to go with I wish I had a boyfriend to go with. I think I'm too depressed to go. I think I'm too depressed because I'm too single. So like I don't think I'll be going to any of these concerts! I don't think I'm going to end up going. I probably won't end up going because I'll be too depressed because I'll be too single and I won't have anybody like a boyfriend to go with and it's like a lot of people on The strip show up with their significant others or their boyfriends or their girlfriends. And I'm the only one walking by myself! So how am I going to go to a concert by myself? I mean it's already like depressing sometimes you know cuz like these people look like they're in love. These people when they're on the strip, they're taking selfies together and they're they're walking hand in hand. And they're going to restaurants together and they're playing games together. They're dancing together. And it's like I'm the only one passing through by myself again. It's like without any boyfriend or anything. Not even a damn dog. I'm trying to get a small dog but I am going to get a small dog. I am planning on getting a small dog! I am already planning on getting a small teacup yorkie? I'm going to be getting a small Yorkie and I'm going to be braiding its hair and doing its hair and making sure the hair looks good and I'm always like brushing it and s*** like that. So my dog is going to be a little yorkie. I think he's going to be so adorable. I love little Yorkies but I've never had one before. So I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm already depressed that I'm single I can't even sleep. I know that like when I do have somebody to cuddle with in a relationship or whatever it is I'm trying to do, I always fall asleep really well. I fall asleep like even before it's bedtime! Sometimes like I will go to sleep at 9:00 p.m. when I have a boyfriend. But then when I don't, it's like I will go to sleep at 9:00 a.m. sometimes. I think there have been some nights where I haven't actually gone into REM sleep until 9:00 a.m. because some days when I can't sleep, I'll have an appointment and I already have insomnia, then I have to be up for my appointment anyway so I'll stay up and then go for my appointment and then I'll be back and then I'll be about 9:00 in the morning. And then I'll try to go to sleep and then I'll sleep for a couple hours and then get back up because for some reason I can't sleep longer than like 1:00 p.m. or noon no matter what time I fall asleep. Really damn annoying. It's really damn annoying so damn f****** annoying. I'm so thrilled for the upcoming cockroach season. I'm really so eager to find out how big or small the cockroaches will be this year. So excited! You know I think that's going to help me sleep! To be so terrified and so scared after seeing a giant cockroach right outside my door or even inside of my door, that I'll be so terrified that it'll cause me exhaustion and then I'll be able to sleep. I think maybe that might do the trick. I think I have to wait until cockroach season. Because you know how like when you get terrified it just takes so much energy out of you! So like when it takes energy out of just like you have no choice except to sleep. So like when I see a cockroach, I think that I might be able to sleep. But I may not be able to sleep because I will wonder whether that cockroach will be on me! What if that cockroach flies on me while I'm sleeping oh my God I can't even I can't even think about that. I don't want to even think about that I don't know what to do I've already bought like botox and the little cockroach motels not Botox but boron or whatever it is? The borax powder. The powder that kills cockroaches and I put it everywhere but it looks so filthy. It looks so awful but I think it helps. And I put that in my bedroom too. Maybe what I should do is go to the pet store and deliberately by a giant pet insect. That way I will be terrified every night to where I will be so exhausted that I have to sleep! I think maybe that might work too. I think maybe going to the pet store and buying a pet cockroach or buying a pet tarantula or buying a pet like something some insect like one of those like giant millipedes that they keep at the pet stores? I think I have to buy one of those that way I'm so scared every night that I'll be able to sleep! Maybe it might do the trick actually. It actually might do that actually I'm really thinking of going to the pet store tomorrow and finding out what kind of insects that they carry. That way I can keep one in a tank and knowing that it's in a tank, I'll still be able to go to sleep. It won't get out. But looking at it is going to terrify me and cause me to use energy and then I'll be able to sleep. I don't know it's just very tricky it's requires a lot of strategy like my whole life requires strategy. My whole existence requires strategy. You know including like how to go to sleep how to do this and how to do that and what I got to do and how to keep a boyfriend and how to be pretty and pain and suffering you know what I mean? Like all the guys literally all of them that I like don't like me. They find me like so gross and ugly that they can't find themselves even caught dead being my boyfriend. So I need to do something about it because I can't continue to have that happen because I want them to like me. I want them to love me and be attracted to me also. And I won't be able to do that if I don't feel confident in my looks or you know probably fixing something. I have to fix something go through more pain and suffering. Until then I will need to prepare my body not for burial but for another surgery. I'm going to have to strengthen my body and my bones balance my blood and then have my surgery and then go through the healing time probably on my own yet again. And the pain and suffering that I'll have to go through. But I have to do it. There's no other choice because nobody likes me! Have to oh well fact I got to live with I can't change that even though I would like to change that fact like as if it's changeable like plastic surgery, I can't change that one thing. Nobody likes me because I'm ugly! I am the ugliest duckling that anyone could ever see! Nobody loves me because I'm but f****** ugly! So I have to become pretty no matter what at any cost! I have to I can't even take pictures cuz I feel ugly. My teeth are being worked on my teeth are starting to get really really beautiful. I don't even think because of the fact that I look ugly and I feel ugly and I'm unloved that I don't even think I'm going to any of these concerts. I have them written down but I look ugly so how am I going to go? Nobody even likes me? I don't need to even go. I have them written down I think I'm about to pass Justin Timberlake's coming. I can't even go to timberlake. He wouldn't like me. He would think that I'm ugly and Pearl jam would think that I'm ugly. And maroon 5 would think that I'm ugly. So I can't go to any of these concerts. I have to just stay home. I was hoping to take a self I meant a selfie yesterday but I could not. I feel unloved and unwanted so I covered up my camera and I didn't take a selfie. I was really close to taking a selfie but I didn't. All I can do right now is just pretty much just work on getting a lot of money and going from there. I can't really do anything else because I'm too ugly to go anywhere! Nobody wants me so I might as well just try to make as much money as I can you know what I mean? I mean what else can I do? I can't do anything else! I might as well just make like a buttload of money. I'm talking like a massive amount of money! I mean since there's nothing else going on and nobody loves me! But sometimes I feel like I can't even make a lot of money because nobody even loves me. Like nobody finds me attractive. Ugly guys don't care ugly guys always find every girl attractive. I don't want ugly guy who likes every girl. Ugly guys like every girl. I want a guy who's like picky. I want like a guy who's like selective in his girlfriend's not like some guy that just goes for any girl. And since he didn't select me, I have to cancel all my appointments and not go to any concerts. What I have to do I was going to go but yeah that hopefully I have to give another reply maybe tomorrow but right now I have to cut this short. And I know it it really is such a short response but I'm really sorry about that! Maybe tomorrow I can give you a longer response! But for now I really do and have to cut this short because I have other things I got to do like brushing my teeth and washing my face and eating something because I feel like lightheaded. So yeah I'm sorry it's so short you know? Really really and truly sorry. I know you want more to read and more to think about but I have stuff I got to do too. You know I have to take care of my own life too I have a life to live I can't just continue to give you guys these opinions and experiences and stories forever and ever. I have to be able to just cut it short and you know get back to what I was doing you know? So maybe next time I can give you a longer reply to some other question! But for now you know I think that that is good enough. So I hope you have a good night..